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The Importance of Setting Boundaries and Learning to Be More Assertive

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s more important than ever to be more assertive to maintain your sense of wellness amidst all the chaos and conflict everyday life brings. Whether it’s in your personal or professional life, setting boundaries is essential to maintaining your sanity. While it’s tempting to be accommodating all of the time, letting others get in the way of their offensive behaviour will only put you in a position of weakness.

When we set boundaries, we essentially tell others what we will and will not tolerate. This can be done in several ways, such as saying “no” to requests, setting limits on our time and energy, and setting physical boundaries. By doing this, we can control our environment and our interactions with others, which can reduce stress and improve our overall well-being.

With that in mind, knowing how to set boundaries is an essential skill to protect yourself from being taken advantage of and to maintain a healthy relationship with others. Below are some tips on how to set boundaries in your life:

How to Establish Healthy Boundaries

Tip #1: Communicate Clearly and Concisely, Especially When Confronting Hostility, Without Resorting to Aggression

It’s essential to be able to communicate clearly and concisely, especially when you’re trying to establish healthy boundaries. This can be difficult, especially if the other person is being hostile or aggressive. However, it’s crucial to remain calm and respectful while still being assertive.

Here are some tips for communicating effectively:

  • Be clear about what you want or don’t want.
  • Use “I” statements, such as “I need” or “I don’t want.”
  • Be respectful and avoid using hostile or aggressive language.
  • Be willing to compromise and find a middle ground.

It’s also important to remember that healthy boundaries are not static. They may need to be adjusted over time as your needs change. Be sure to communicate any changes to the other person involved.

Tip #2: Learn to Remove Yourself from the Situation When Facing a Violent Person

It is not always possible to avoid or de-escalate a situation with a violent person. In these cases, it’s crucial to know how to remove yourself from the situation safely. Staying in a vulnerable position might cause you to act violently too, so it’s important to be proactive and have a plan in place.

There are a few things you can do to remove yourself from a violent situation:

  • Call for help. If you can, call the police or another emergency service. This will help to diffuse the situation and keep you safe.
  • Create a distraction. If you can’t call for help, try to create a distraction that will allow you to get away. This could be something as simple as dropping something or making a loud noise.
  • Get to a safe place. If possible, try to get to a safe place away from the violent person. This could be a room with a lock, or even just putting some distance between you and the individual.
  • Keep calm. It’s important to try to stay calm in a violent situation. This will help you think more clearly and make better decisions.

Learning how to remove yourself from a violent situation is a crucial part of self-defence. By being prepared, you can help to keep yourself safe in a dangerous situation.

Tip #3: Understand the Different Boundaries You Need to Establish

There are different types of boundaries that you may need to establish in your life. These include emotional, physical, sexual, material, and internal boundaries. It is important to understand the different types of boundaries so that you can establish healthy ones in your life.

  1. Emotional boundaries are those that involve your emotions. You may need to set boundaries with people who are constantly draining your energy or who are always negative. You may also need to set boundaries with people who are always talking about themselves and never seem to be interested in you.
  2. Physical boundaries are those that involve your body. You may need to set boundaries with people who are always touching you without your permission or who are always invading your personal space. You may also need to set boundaries with people who are always asking you personal questions that make you uncomfortable.
  3. Sexual boundaries are those that involve your sexuality. You may need to set boundaries with people who are always trying to get you to have sex with them or who are always talking about sex in a way that makes you uncomfortable. You may also need to set boundaries with people who are always trying to touch you sexually without your permission.
  4. Material boundaries are those that involve your possessions. You may need to set boundaries with people who are always borrowing your things without asking or who are always taking your things without permission. You may also need to set boundaries with people who are always asking you for money.
  5. Internal boundaries are those that involve your thoughts and feelings. You may need to set boundaries with people who are always trying to control your thoughts and feelings or who are always trying to tell you what to do. You may also need to set boundaries with people who are always putting you down.

It is important to establish healthy boundaries in all areas of your life. This will help you to maintain your sanity and to protect yourself from people who may take advantage of you.

The Bottom Line: The Importance of Setting Boundaries and its Impact on Your Overall Wellness

When you set boundaries, you are essentially creating a buffer between yourself and the things that can potentially harm your well-being. When you have well-defined boundaries, you can protect your time, energy, and resources. This allows you to focus on what is most important to you and prevents you from being pulled in too many directions.

Well-defined boundaries also help you to say “no” when you need to. This is an important skill to have to avoid being taken advantage of or becoming overwhelmed. Learning to set boundaries is a process, but it is well worth the effort.

If you are looking for counselling services in Kelowna or Calgary, look no further than Virtuous Circle Counselling. We offer a wide range of counselling services to help you with whatever you may be going through in your life.  Contact us today to book an appointment!

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We at Virtuous Circle Counselling acknowledge Moh’kinstsis, the lands where the Bow and Elbow rivers meet, in what we currently call Calgary. We acknowledge that we are visitors on Moh’kinsstis and acknowledge the Blackfoot are those who named this area as Moh’kinsstis. In the spirit of Truth and Reconciliation, we recognize the ancestral territories, cultures, and oral practices of the Blackfoot people, the Îyarhe Nakoda Nations, the Dene people of the Tsuut’ina Nation, and the Métis Nation of Alberta, Region 3.